Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Other People Are Also Arseholes.

I had my tea over a fabulous article this morning - and so I had to share.  (If you want to read the whole shebang, clicky clicky here).  It's really nice to know that I am not always the world's greatest arsehole.  Some other people are mammoth arseholes too.

I've got to share this with you.  (It's just a snippet, and it is completely owned by The Mercury, but having made The Pant such a gloriously happy woman, it certainly needs to be read by many).

So basically, there was an advocate who got the shits with a judge in the Western Cape High Court, and this is the interchange.  (I swear!  No blogger's license used - at all.)

Judge: Now first of all, Lawyer, where were you this morning?

Lawyer: My lord, I just want to know if my clerk gave you a message?

Judge: Yes, we got a confused message … (about) car problems you had.

Lawyer: Exactly. Now do you want to hear it again?

Judge: Excuse me?

Lawyer: Do you want to hear the excuse again?

Judge: Yes.

Lawyer: My car broke down.

Judge: Now why did you realise that around 10am when court proceedings were about to begin?

Lawyer: We had to wait for the AA.

Judge: Yes?

Lawyer: To tow the car away.

Judge: But you, no doubt, had a cellphone?

Lawyer: I didn’t know about the case. I didn’t have my diary (sakboek) with me.

Judge: Your bag (sakkie) wasn’t with you?

Lawyer: My diary wasn’t with me.

Judge: Yes. Could you not have phoned the High Court half an hour, an hour, before the time?

Lawyer: Judge, how long must we hassle with this?

Judge: Excuse me?

Lawyer: How long must we hassle with this? I’ve now gone to some trouble to be here.

Judge: Mr Lawyer, perhaps you don’t realise, your first duty, if you have to appear in the High Court, is to be here, and you are not doing us a favour by being here, despite your problems. Why are you turning your face away from me while I’m speaking?

Lawyer: Well, I asked my secretary to pass on a message and I assume she must have done so.

Judge: Yes, but then we got … (interrupted)

Lawyer: Now do you want the message from me again?

Judge: Then we got another strange message: Could the case be postponed until Monday, a telephonic request for a postponement?

Lawyer: Exactly. Then I got the message that you were prepared to wait for me, and now I am here.

Judge: You were not involved in another case this morning, were you?

Lawyer: I was not involved, Judge. I am here now. (He slams his hand on the desk.)

Judge: Sir (meneer), your attitude, you must... (interrupted)

Lawyer: But then you must not also come ... (interrupted)

Judge: You must be careful about your attitude, Mr Lawyer, in front of the court.

Lawyer: But then you must also not come with an attitude.

Judge: Excuse me?

Lawyer: I said then you must not come with an attitude, because we are both adults, I am not your child.

Judge: Mr Lawyer, I must tell you ... (interrupted)

Lawyer: I said I am not your child.

Judge: I must warn you … (interrupted)

Lawyer: You do exactly what you want. Do what you want.

Judge: You are sailing very close to the wind.

Lawyer: Jou ma se p**s, man! F**k you! (Lawyer leaves the courtroom).

And there it is: poes.  A word used too seldom.


  1. the lawyer is a problim they should lock him up and through away the key

  2. Ah, but The Lawyer provides some fabulous morning reading.

    And throwing the key away? A little bit of a harsh punishment, don't you think?

  3. Hehe

    South African courtrooms hey.. if those walls could talk..

  4. Future Ex HusbandMarch 30, 2011 at 6:39 PM

    I think anonymous' spelling is a 'problim'. Let's 'through' him/her in jail.

  5. future ex husband is so mean

  6. Loved this - the actual transcript (which is obviously in Afrikaans) was immediately typed up and spread like wildfire - is lying at reception at Counsel's Chambers! Hilarious...Obviously, we as a profession are appalled that an attorney would speak to a Mag like that, but we as a profession also have a sense of humour... :)