Friday, January 28, 2011

Pig Squeals and Pee.

We're all pretty vain, aren't we? I mean, why do chicks swoon for compliments? Like the MC from The BF, my people, and Carlos's wedding told me I am thin tonight. If he didn't have a girlfriend, I'd have tucked into him right on the spot. Possibly with knife and fork. (He is a golden god, apparently.)

It doesn't take much to say, "You're the most beautiful girl in the world", or "Sheeeeeeesh kebab, you look hot today, babe". Really, it doesn't. And chaps, the rewards are plentiful and good.

Which gets me to my point. Those who know The Pant might consider me confident. The first night I met an ex-boyfriend, he slurred in my ear, "You're so confident, you're bordering on arrogant.". I took it as a compliment. And look what that got him. (In fact, I'm not sure what that got him - the only thing I remember from that night is that slurred speech, a bisexual girl that I was trying to hook him up with and that our taxi driver's name was Fish.)

This is a typical conversation I could have with a friend:

Friend: Pant, that guy has totally got the hots for you. He's eyescrumming you.

The Pant: It's his eyes, Friend, they're not painted on.

I like compliments, I suppose, when they come from the source. So if the guy had said, "I'm eyescrumming you", I may have replied with a whole bunch of incoherent sounds followed by a 90% lunge in the hopes of the 10% reciprocal lunge.

And so, this was my response to Anonymous's comment earlier today.

(S)he wrote:

I a word, ADDICTED. I cant wait to read every morning, its like the highlight of my day - how sad is that. But seriously, you need to write a book. I live in london and i have sent your blog to ALL of my friends and they too are ADDICTED. so consider yourself international ;-)

I let out a little pig squeal - reeeeee. Followed by just a tiny pee.

Anonymous, you have rocked my world today. I thank you. And if you're a guy, well, pull in for your reward. As I've said: it'll be plentiful and good.


  1. To be able to turn a run of the mill, mundane, day to day occurence into an experience - an event - is a rare quality indeed, and you dear child possess this in abundance. Keep up your blogging. It's fascinating. Avid Fan