So I happened upon an ex-boyfriend's blog yesterday. I know it's my ex-boyfriend because there is a picture of him. With his eyes freakishly close together. I don't remember them being that close together but love, I have learned from the comfortably safe distance of hindsight, is totally blind.
Honestly. I have made some strange choices in my life. And I have no idea why. This particular boyfriend has absolutely no redeeming feature - he's not clever (and I do clever in a BIG way). He's super mega-fugly (and I can like to like all kinds of sexiness). Oh, he's not sexy. And also - you know that redeeming feature that some ugly guys have that I would definitely not discuss on this blog for fear of Mother/Father/(worse still)Brother reading? Well he lacked that. So. Huge. Style. It. Wasn't. Even. Real.
Nope. Geek Ex-Boyfriend With Perm was (and judging by putridly inane contents of his blog, remains) all kinds of unPanty-ness on so many levels.
Now, I don't mean to be unkind, but I don't really care about this individual. I would rather (I swear) wake up next to... ummmm.... who's really siff? A simpleton who eats his own eye goop. But I thought that, at least, someone - anyone - would care enough about this person to tell him the truth about his ramblings.
There's no one out there. And so I've taken it upon myself to do some charity work. You know, help those in need. I'm a kind person, after all.
Dear Geek Ex-Boyfriend with Perm,
What was I thinking?
And, pal, seriously. What's with the blog?
There's a little function in the English language called "grammar". This compromises of little lines and dots called "punctuation marks". These "punctuation marks" help separate ideas and thoughts. And they also help readers decipher what the eff you are trying to say.
Oh, and also. Blog about something interesting.
If you can.
Yours (never ever ever ever ever ever again)