Plz Rite Proplie.

Okay, initial excitement of spending extended daylight hours with shirtless Jude Look-alike waning. At rapid rate. And the reasons are numerous.

But the main problem with my predicament is that the lights can't be switched off.

You see, firstly the end of post break-up anorexia has seen the return of back fat. Okay, not in abundance. But I can definitely notice some hangover - even wearing today's elasticated waist skirt. (The Pant in a skirt! How preposterous!)

But I mustn't complain. At least I have a little bit of boob. A little bit. (I even got some boob action last night. From a mosquito. So now have bee stings with a mozzie bite. Brilliant.)

But I am, I suppose, going to have to swim. So will be required to don bikini. Perhaps should wear burkhini?

So, problem number two: wax night was 10 days ago. Which means stubbly regrowth. Which would be fine, if not a little uncomfortable, if I wasn't required to wear swimwear. And it's not the poky out pubes I'm worried about. It's the costume catch factor. You know how cozzie material loves to stick to rough things, like bricks? Not so great when attempting to be sex bomb siren.

Also, extended holiday jol with Precious Jo'burg Friend ensured that the departure of glorious summer holiday tan came with alacrity. I know I shouldn't turn my nose up at the opportunity to sun myself. But therein lies yet another problem.

Apparently yesterday's plea was directed at the wrong Proper Noun. I should have been speaking to the weather goddess. Because it's windy and overcast. And it looks like we're about to experience the rains of the rest of the country. I'll blame myself for Shitty Weekend Weather. I should never have complained about the heat. Damn you, Panty Liner. Damn you.

But there's a bigger problem, bigger than weather and regrowth and back fat: it's Jude Look-alike. He's hot. Like really effing super hot. But The Pant is Down With Love (but Up With Lust). And I received this text from him:

Hey Pant looking 4ward 2 c-ing u on sat my add is 12 Shirtless Street Sexyville mayb we cn ctch up where we lft off

I just wanted to look. Maybe cop a feel but certainly not catch up where we left off. We left off at the airport. Left off lift off start again, no?

And (and this is a big one) I don't do the dropping of vowels. Nor do I do the replacing of words with digits. And not a single punctuation mark! Eeeeeew!

Can't write English. Major turn-off.

Dear Nubile Men,

If you wish to bag The Pant, plz rite proplie.

X X X